“Your honor! We have in front of our judicious eyes a Feminist. Yes sir, a Feminist, a woman who is bent upon her preposterously unbending will to grant women their due rights. Women their due rights? Hah! There are no “rights” with women. Yes sir, there are only wrongs and that is my case today.
With all due respect ignored, the disrespected Ms. Feminist here is charged with mass propaganda, intellectual assault on the sage likes of us and conspiracy; Conspiracy to obstruct the course of human development and impede its intellectual and social growth.
Women, as you may concur, are attractive fiends. Throughout the course of human history they have successfully mislead man with their alluringly conspicuous anatomical parts and erotic appearances. They’ve allured man into committing rape. They invite men to do such hideous acts by flashing their appealing looks openly, and men being the courteous and chivalrous beings they are, cannot possibly refuse an invitation, now can they? So Imagine! Just imagine the torment and self loathing, inner guilt and the loss of morale these invited rapists must feel after having done that inhumane act. Are these poor men not human? Do they not deserve to not become rapists? Yes sir, they do deserve to not become rapists. But no, these women have to exist and ruin the lives of these lamentable souls.
Woman is by far the only creature on our planet Earth that is single handedly responsible for the Global Warming. Please hear me out. These creatures’ bodies constitute of unnecessarily protruding bodily parts which take up a huge volume of our environment. Now if you add up the volume of all these parts and do some maths- those guys over at Princeton have done it…That dude in the wheelchair, I think. Stephen Gawking? Yes. – You will then discover that all that volume is making the atmosphere’s height rise. This means that if the Atmosphere containing gases around the Earth was to be 1cm thick, it is now 2cm thick, thanks to feminine bosoms. What’s my point? Ah. Listen closely: This has raised the altitude of the Ozone layer, bringing it closer to the Sun and making it deplete and leave out patches through which pours in sunlight that contributes to the Greenhouse Effect and warms up the Greenhouse Gases, thus fueling Global Warming.
A mass propaganda against Mother Nature herself. This Mother surely needs to administer a few fatal spanks to some volume-occupying bottoms.
They may say I am a Sexist. But I must disagree, your honor! I’m against sex and yet you say I’m a sexist? How very amusing indeed. What was that?… Ah. So a plum woman in the audience just yelled “Gay!” at me. I’ve got to say I have got to admire your nugatory mind and the intriguing ways it works in. I am gay! I am openly gay! See how I dance about, do the poorly executed tap dance and wave this folder above my head? This is “Gay (adj): Carefree and merry; colorful”. What has become of us! A beautifully elegant word which we connected to the idea of expressing extreme rapture and joviality, now stands with its head lowered, its chin buried in its chest like an impotent, misunderstood and bullied child.
Speaking of children. These women, they want to marry and since that is supposed to involve a poor male counterpart, they take men down in these suicidal pacts called marriages. Not only does the pathetic husband provide ample money to meet her incessant demands, but he also curbs his manhood, his morals and his firm and heroic ideologies; Once a man of honor and integrity now reduced to performing nappy changes. But that isn’t all. This is the most cunning part of these women’s plan: They start to swell their bellies! Yes your honor, I do not hold the knowledge as to how they manage to pull off this trick, but they just do. Then they start to hide behind this belly to make more demands; money for therapies, medicines, doctors, books dedicated to this satanic, or shall I say womanly, cult practice of belly swelling and God knows what. And then they carry children inside their bellies, tangled up in innards! Fragile, little, beautiful children inside their bellies. What torture is this? What insanity, what inanity! I’d prefer they make babies in those test tubes and trays instead. That must be less painful at least. And then there are the Literature loving mother’s who prefer (Julius) Caesarian sections but that is a whole other straw for a whole other cold drink.
All these despicable creatures ever do is bring babies into this world and raise them up. They raise up these children, groom and polish them and educate them about the world. They harness life and let it grow and bloom. They are the caressers of the the souls and subject of the art, passion of a lover and the ink of a poet, Soul to Body and Water to Life, flower to the garden and garden to the birds.
But they are women, right? And women ought to be oppressed. As simple as that.
The defendant is clearly guilty of all these and existence. They must not be allowed to exist, breath or pollute our society by living anymore. And with that I rest my case.”
For any readers who are deprived of the blessing of an in-built sarcasm detector: This piece mocks the irrationalities of Sexism and relies on the use of sarcasm to support Feminism, not the other way round.